Global warming is great because you don’t have to wait all year to see the summer again. It just appears. Yes, it’s freaky to get a warm blast in winter, but if you’re paying attention, it’s also a pleasant surprise. Like a large income tax return. You weren’t counting on it, but what the hell.
Global Warming isn’t only about the planet getting hotter, though. It’s about freaky stuff going down. For centuries, when freaky weather occurred people said things like:
“It’s snowing in July. Oh my God, we’ve offended God. Let’s do a human sacrifice to make God happy.”
But in modern times we are smarter and we know better. Today, we say things like:
“I can’t believe it’s snowing in July. This is nuts.”
But then the snow stops and we head back to the beach. While some still think we should try another human sacrifice, others are wondering, “Hot scorching sun followed by flurries followed by more scorching sun, all in an afternoon? This is really nuts.” Don’t worry, it’s really simple.
You see, like us, our weather patterns now have short attention spans too. So many of us have ADD that we have willed the weather patterns to change willy nilly. For example, if you are bored from being in your air-conditioned home on a hot summer’s day, just close your eyes and say:
I know I’m bored. I know I’m bored. I know I’m bored.
In a few minutes, it will rain. You may have wanted the temperature to drop just a little so you could go outside, but again, don’t worry. The rain will soon stop and the sun will shine radiantly for all in the land to partake in it’s golden glory. But don’t go and pee because you’ll miss it.