A Funny Thing Happened in the Bathroom

My bathroom has soap that smells like melon. The fragrance – infused with 6% real melon – reminds me of the beach and everything I love about the beach:

Ocean air
Salt water
Pink sand

Smells of Melon is my friend. A vacation in a bottle. Hand-washing is the single-most important thing in my life right now. I’ll wash my hands for no reason at all, just so I can dream of pink sand.

Bermuda has pink sand. Bermuda is stunning. Have a look.

Bermuda Has Pink Sand

See the pink sand? If you think Bermuda is heaven, it is – heaven for rich folks. It helps to have loads of money to vacation in Bermuda. Even more to live there. Buy a million dollar house and the island is yours. Not all of it, just the land where the house sits. But what a place to sit! 

Bermuda House

I know someone who lunched with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones in Bermuda. Rich and famous people are preferred on the island. At night, I love to stroll past the yachts, looking up at the stars. I imagine I’m a star. I feel like the King of Bermuda. My ego engulfs the island. I’m a wise old fish (or a rich old shark) starring in my own beach movie.

Night before Hurrican Florence

Notice there aren’t any stars in this picture. That was the night before Hurricane Florence. God thought that if you’re going to think you’re in heaven, a little hell is worth the price of admission. So God made hurricanes. I’ve never been on the li’l isle of Bermuda during hurricane season. It’s freaky.


Freaky weather is okay, if you don’t mind your hair shooting up or your dog getting plastered into a fire hydrant. Actually, I’d love to see what happens to the dog just for the reaction of the dog owner. Actually again, I’m puzzled by anyone who stays on the island during this Act of God.

“I paid a million bucks for this palace and I’m going down with it!!!”

Admirable enough. But it’s not a ship and you’re not a sea captain. Leave. Max out the house insurance and fly up to Saskatchewan. Nothing ever happens there. Or anywhere away from the hurrah of the hurricane, preferably near a drug store, where they sell Smellin‘ Melon soap.

Melon Hand Soap

Lather up, sniff and wait for the pink sand.

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3 Responses to A Funny Thing Happened in the Bathroom

  1. Jonathan Mendelsohn says:

    I wish my hand soap was infused with a fruit that took me to an island that led to such fanciful writing and wondrous dreaming, scheming, pleading, thinking.

  2. Solange says:

    I definitely need to find a better bathroom soap!

  3. Mary Wigle says:

    Ha, ha – I know that person who had lunch with Michael & Catherine!!! Mary W.

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