Oh, Whoa the Polar Bear


Ice is taking it’s time to form in northeastern Manitoba. Late to arrive but the polar bears are waiting, the result is that our white furry fish-loving snarlies may be marooned, so to speak, with no means of getting to where their food is plenty. Thus (pretentious) Thereforeprediction – polar bears will starve.

Is this true? Before it even happens, can this be so? For those of us watching the polar ice caps melt by satellite, is this a surprise? Can I continue this tirade of questions without substantially going forward? Shucks, forget about me, would you, let’s look at the possible tragedy. The bears need sea flesh.

Three hundred and thirty-three polar bears were interviewed and two out of every three said more or less the same thing: “If I get any thinner you’ll be using me for a rug!”

So, how about, why don’t we, let’s send some aid. Not a cute seal, maybe a barrelfull of freshly caught Atlantic farmed salmon or tilapia or some fake crab meat. But I’m just wondering, because it is a briiliant idea, what if the ice never comes back? What then?

So how about, why don’t we, help those bears help themselves. Y’know, give a polar bear some fresh sea flesh and you feed them for a day but teach them to fish and…oh, right, they know how to fish. It’s the arctic that’s gone kablooey on them. Well, maybe we can teach the polar bears to be more like us. Go to school, get a good job and then they can get whatever they want at the grocery store. 

That’s my dream. To save those white furry PB’s. But SNIFF! I’m sad already. I imagine the fake CGI polar bear in those Coke commercials  (aren’t they cute?) swimming and swimming and swimming and never finding another bottle of Coke.

And now, for your listening pleasure, Lament of the Polar Bear Part 1

This entry was posted in Comedy, Global Warming, Observational Humor, Satire, Sketch Comedy and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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